(trigger warning: anxiety, nausea/vomiting)

I was only officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in 2024, but the negative traits associated with it have been a life-long challenge I’ve had to get used to. Alongside this, I have suffered from severe anxiety for over a decade.

This is quite common amongst people with autism – research states that “around 50% of autistic people will experience anxiety that has a significant impact on their everyday lives” (Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 2008).
This tends to occur because of limited emotional control and feeling disregulated, tendencies to focus on details, sensory processing issues, among other reasons.

In my personal journey with anxiety, I first started to struggle to the point of ill health when I was 14 years old. I would have dark thoughts I couldn’t control, and work myself up into such a panic that I would make myself physically sick. This continued daily (sometimes multiple times a day) for about eight years.

This meant that I developed a sort of compulsion around being sick, which led to those close to me believing that I had body-image issues. This happened because anxiety sickness became part of my daily routine (forming routines being another autistic trait), and breaking the cycle was practically impossible. It felt like the only way I could control my anxiety was to make myself focus on it enough to be sick, then I could physically be ‘rid’ of the emotion and carry on with my day.
I was significantly underweight for many years because of this, and had a very negative relationship with food as a result of being sick so often.

In my adulthood, I have now sought medical advice for my anxiety and am now on daily medication – an antidepressant for the mental symptoms, and another medication which relieves the physical impact on the stomach. Medication definitely doesn’t work for everyone, but it has been a literal life-saver for me. I have my appetite back now that my stomach isn’t so sensitive, so I’m now at a properly healthy weight for the first time in many years.

As I mentioned at the beginning, I was also only fairly recently diagnosed with autism – something my family and I always knew I had, but has now been confirmed through assessment. While I’d always assumed this was the case, having the diagnosis has made me fully aware that my anxious traits are connected to it. I find it very difficult to emotionally regulate, and can get overwhelmed easily.

Over the years, I’ve learned to self-soothe through several different methods.
I can either:
– distract myself by spending time with others (I’m much more anxious when I’ve been alone for too long)
– engage in sensory-seeking activities like bathing/showering (being in water calms me) or feeling things with certain textures (good for regulating my nervous system)
– talk to my mum about how I’m feeling (she’s my absolute hero)

The biggest thing I’ve learned from having both diagnoses is to give myself grace – to remind myself I’m doing my best, that having these issues is genuinely hard and I’m doing okay, and to reflect on how far I’ve come in my journey and be proud of myself.

I’m also very proud of the fact that I’m self-aware enough to be able to communicate these issues with others, to share experiences with those who may be in a similar position and make them realise they aren’t alone in it.

If you’ve read this to the end and it resonates with you – I hope it has helped you in one way or another! I’m an open book, so please reach out if you need to.

With love,

Wildflower x

[Source: https://www.autism.org.uk/learn/knowledge-hub/professional-practice/anxiety-autism]